Dear Sophia,

I'm exhausted from always having to respond over and over to questions about decisions. I consult with others, including my team members, about matters before making decisions, when relevant. There are too many decisions to make to have consensus decision-making for every single decision so I use a mixture of consensus, consultative, and, rarely, authoritative decision-making. I spend a ridiculous amount of time responding to requests for clarity and additional information or just directly asking the same question over and over (by email, then by Slack, then in a virtual meeting 1x1, then in a virtual meeting with others)....I am happy to respond and help with understanding about a decision once, but not repeatedly and not for every single decision. Some decisions are just not important enough to merit the amount of time spent on them. How do I stop my team members from questioning all decisions? 

Sincerely,

Worn Out by Over and Over

Dear Worn Out by Over and Over,

Balance is so tricky, isn't it? On the one hand, we’ve made great progress in the workforce from the days when a manager made a decision, and everyone had to accept it with no questions asked. The dictatorship model has fortunately become less and less acceptable (though it definitely still exists). On the other hand, there seems to be a growing sense of entitlement among staff members that everyone should have a voice in all decision-making. Clearly these are extremes but finding the right balance in the workplace is a real challenge, as you’ve stated. Being a leader is hard for this reason, among many others. We all want to work somewhere that values the input of the team. But the success of any company is also contingent on tough decisions being made at all levels everyday that not everyone can weigh in on. This is true in all facets of life.

Which brings me to your current dilemma. You seem to have gone above and beyond in responding to questions about decisions that have been made. Your communication is obviously wide open and you’re taking the time (a ridiculous amount, you say) to address concerns and inquiries. And you’re consulting wherever you can for input before decisions are made. On paper you’re doing everything right. But since you’ve come to me for help, I’ll be brutally honest. I think you’re doing too much of all of it. While you may be very confident in your decisions, there may be something in your style that doesn’t portray that confidence and your team is taking advantage of that. You’ve opened the door to questioning everything and responded by giving them even more attention on these matters. This is a case where some tough love is in order. I understand you don’t want to be authoritative, but you are in charge and they need to respect that you actually know what you’re doing and have everyone’s best interests at heart.

It also sounds like in many ways, your team just isn’t listening well. They’ve gotten so used to being able to ask you over and over again about what decision was made and why, they don’t listen on the first round. Old habits die hard and unfortunately in your efforts to be kind and fair, you’ve given them a runway to be inefficient and insecure.

So here’s my suggestion: Gather them together and ask them to trust you. Tell them that there seems to be a lot of questioning and re-clarification needed on decisions large and small and it’s becoming a drain on your resources and theirs. And while you value each and every one of them and always want them to question things they feel strongly about, you need them to be discerning in terms of what is significant and what is not, and trust that you are making decisions in the best possible way. Tell them that you will still often ask for input but there may be times you can’t and won’t. It’s not personal. And then reiterate how much you value their work and how much you appreciate that they support you and trust you.

Bottom line, they need to know that things are going to change. And when you get that first question about something insignificant, you just refer the person back to your meeting. As you well know, your job as a leader is not to be liked by everyone, it’s to lead with grace, fairness, and competence. They might not like this new direction but they will respect you for reining it in and communicating clearly.

You’ve got this!

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia  

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have for Worn Out by Over and Over? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page.

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.